I Don't Have Clever Names For Posts

so today im pretty sure i hit rock bottom. seemed like everything was just goin wrong. i was really just fightin to keep from drownin for a long ass time but today i gave up. I succumbed to wat i thought to be the inevitable and resigned myself to watever fate had in store for me. I don't even know wat happened after that, for a while i just drifted, not even there, without a purpose, merely existing. came back to life, but still felt hella down. went to try to get cheered up but fucked up and ended up makin shit worse. went home. prayed for the first time since....... musta bin over a year ago. still felt like shit afterwards but didn't know wat else to do so i thot it mita bin worth a try. not even sure wat i want anymore, just tryin to maintain, keep my head above water. I just know that this isnt the way things are supposed to be. Never sure wat the right thing to do iss anymore. seems like every option is partly right and im not sure of which one i should take. What is good that has come out of this is I realized who really cares about me and who i really care about. I just wish one of them realized that doing something you dont wanna do doesnt mean youre not independent or that you need other people, it just means that you care enough about them to make an effort to keep your friendship with them. Also, the effects they had on me and my life. Without them, i would be in a MUCH MUCH darker place, AND i would be alone there. Its wat Ive always been afraid of, to hear someone i really and truly care about say they dont care about me or they dnt care about things they do that hurt me, and yet it still it just as suprising and hurtful as getting a knife in the chest rite as you turn to face someone. I cant thank my loved ones enough for wat theyve done. They really just saved my life. I love my niggas, ALL of them. no particular order, so nobody get butthurt..... even tho only like 2 ppl read my blogs lol
My Niggas:
Kevin
Nick
Patrick
Matt
Peter
Tyler
Kameron
Armando
Tai
Cesar
Gaby
Ari
Marcus-even though you might hate me rite now, we been like bros since like 3rd grade
Still got love for u
And of course, Miggy- aye we all hella miss u mah dooo. we really were just like a family before you left *not to sound like the HELLA COOL "waters end family" lol* we had hella good times. DC "Oh JESUS!" lol hangin out wit Busty. when we first started hangin out wit ari and mieke. how we used to shoot niggas out the window wit ur airsoft gun lol. I love you nigga, cant wait for you to come back.
All of you have made me the person i am today, and i cant thank you enough