Good Weekend

Friday was crackin! HELLA heads down at the park. Missin the Bethel niggas tho and miggy =[[
good ass day. Saturday BEACH!!! made a bonfire =]] sunday? BEACH AGAIN!!! made another bonfire hahaaa. had a pretty deep convo wit kam. Figured something out thats actually really
important that i didn't realize until i said it out loud.... not really sure wat imma do about it
cuz it's one of thsoe thigns that can't just be left alone forever.....
W.e. I'll figure it out, gotta keep puttin in work tho. More effort is needed for school, lightweight slackin, gotta step it up. Gotta work out harder and more, need more/better results. Gotta work harder to make the quality of my life better, i'm not satisfied with every aspect of my life.
Gotta get a job, need some constant income.
Gotta do/be better.
Cannot get better friends tho, not every little person who thinks we have some bond that qualifies us as friends, but my real, always been there for me, down to ride, trustworthy, *no homo but* loving niggas. Where would i be without you guys?
kinda wish my family would come together tho, the way we used to be =[[

I wish

I wish everyone could keep up with me, my thought process, my conversations, my ideas, everything.

I wish that people would see things from my perspective. Pretty much all my niggas do so its so much better when im with them. Shit really isn't complicated but other people make it that way.

I wish the majority of the world didnt enjoy drama. Everyone says they hate it and then they go around and cause it for themselves and others. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO STUPID PEOPLE!?

I wish things were better




I'm finished makin' sense, done pleading ignorance..."-Foo Fighters

I Have Realized...

I am an insanely over-jealous person. The majority of my life I think logically and use common sense in most situations. However, I feel very territorial about certain things, and when I feel someone encroaches upon any part of my territory, I lose all rationality and become enraged with jealousy. Curious. Very curious....

I'm So Tired

I'm tired of everyone's perfection. "omg you make make so happy, your so perfect, were perfect for each other, life is perfect, were perfect, everything is just so perfect"
things like this make me want to breathe smoke and let the world crumble in my hands
why does everyone want to be perfect? perfection is overrated
wat makes perfection so great? if everyone was perfect, then everyone would be the same.
besides, perfection is unattainable.
There's a reason people are imperfect: it makes them unique.
I love my friends and family for their imperfections. Every little quirk, oddity, habit, anything that separates them from the rest of the herd makes them all the better and more cherished to me.
"We like each other for our common qualities, but it is our differences, our imperfections, that we love each other for"

I'm so tired of people being so sensitive. At times, it's good to stand up for yourself or w.e you believe is being offended or whatever, but it is totally unnecessary to constantly bicker about things that have no importance whatsoever. People need to realize when shit really just doesn't matter. It's so much easier to see things clearly when your mind isn't clouded by bias or emotions.

I'm so tired of being smarter than the majority of people. It's hella hard to communicate with someone when you constantly have to slow down, and spell out every little thing. It's like people intentionally act dense just to frustrate those of us who aren't total morons. THEN they expect us to dumb it down for them just so they can understand. HELLO!? are you people that fucking retarded? if someone is more advanced at you at something, you step your fucking game up and get better so you can keep up!! some people are just fucking dumbasses.

I'm so tired of people demanding so much out of me. So many people expect me to make all these decisions and take care of all this shit, and in all honesty, i dont give a shit about any of it.
It takes so much energy to put up with the majority of the world's shit and all these teachers and parents and coaches and all these "authority figures" and wat they all want from me, that by the end of the day i just don't have any left for anything. If people want to make things happen, put forth a fucking effort, they shouldnt ask me wat they should do, that's really just not doin shit. It's making me do more.

I love when I don't have to think about anything, just react intuitively. It feels so good to just do whatever I want without having to stop and think and plan out what i'm going to do. Go with the flow, just do whatever the fuck i want.




It needs to be summer.



"There is no greater aspiration than to have love in our lives..."-Mr. Feeney

Why's everyone asking me what I want?

I wish everything was perfect. Things are so complex all the time and when I really think about it,
it really shouldnt be this way. However, people are hella stupid and emotional and
that complicates things. especially girlsz...
Speaking of girlsz, I constantly find myself having to slow down my thought processes so that they can keep up. very difficult to fully express myself/communicate with their gender. Also, I always find myself thinking aabout how im so much smarter than they are. I can easily manipulate them to do/to get watever i want. I dont see how they dont realize that these things happen to them all the time.
pretty much girls and dumb people need to step it up and quit bein hella slow so that I don't get frustrated just going in public places.
a lot of the time i go through like long ass periods where i dnt really care about much and everythings all good when its like that cuz nothing realy matters.
but then every once in a while ill go through a very very small period of time, not even a day long, where i experience such an extreme and powerful wave of negative emotion that i cant even contain it or fight it off.
there are very few things in this world that help me keep these compresses of emotion to a minimum
mainly my niggas tho
love u guys

Day 6

almost off lockdown. sooooo boring.
painted a house today. that was actually pretty fulfilling.
nice to see that when u put in work at certain things, it makes a difference.
kinda hate being bored cuz then it leaves me alone with my thoughts.
most things just depress me. everything is goin to hell in the world
and even tho its really bad and saddening, i definitely coulda called it.
my niggas are like one of the few things in life that i love more than anything. i would kill/die for anyone of my actual, real, honest to god, trustworthy niggas. they help me get thru life. they brighten my day when i need it the most. but days like these, where im isolated, my thoughts take a downward spiral...
i miss just kickin it at miggys/kevins houses/the park wit everyone.
fuck this divided, no matter wat happens someone gets mad, always feelin like someones missing bullshit, i miss the old days. even though we didn't go nowhere, or do
what other people in our grade were doin, we really had better times than anyone else.
fuck that, we had the BEST times. i miss going to bed content with the days events.
i miss not wanting the day to end, now i just feel like it shouldnt have even started.
i miss being care free, doing wat i want instead of thinking carefully about every little thing
having to plan out everything every step of the way.
i miss not fucking up all the time. i miss the unity of everything.
i miss my self assuredness. i miss my feelings. i miss miggy.
i miss being happy